Saturday, April 12, 2008

A Business Letter To Jesus Christ

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD." ((Isaiah 55:8).

TO: Jesus Christ, Son of Joseph
Woodcrafters Carpenter Shop
Nazareth, Israel 35922

FROM: Jordon Management Consultants
Jerusalem, Israel 00666

RE: Staff Team Evaluation

Dear Mr. Christ,

Thanks for using our service; as you know, we bring a rich tradition of proven excellence in matters pertaining to the things of men. We have carefully studied the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests; and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant.

It is the staff’s opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education, and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. The majority of your staff’s profiles were rather bland, and self explanatory – so we need not go over them with you – but only wonder why you would be interested in those who are so unimpressive. We feel it our duty to alert you to a few serious problem cases --

· James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddeus definitely have radical leanings, and they both registered a high score on the manic-depressive scale.

· Andrew has no qualities of leadership, and his homey habit of brown-bagging his lunch could be a turn-off to potential clients.

· We feel it our duty to tell you that Matthew has been denounced by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau. Continued association with him could seriously jeopardize your own reputation.

· Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale. We actually had four people leave our firm after meeting with him.

· Simon Peter is emotionally unstable, highly opinionated, and given to fits of temper. In fact, during the interview he punched out three of our consultants.

· The two brothers, James and John, place personal interests above company loyalty, and show an inordinate dependence upon their mother. They also seem unusually fascinated with fire.

· One of the candidates, however, shows great potential. He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind and has contacts in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious and responsible. It is our recommendation that you keep as your controller and right-hand man Judas Iscariot.

We wish you every success in your new venture.


Lucy Furr

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